


Abjurer's Folly

by Garchomp445



Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Original Work
Genre: Gen, Wizards, also you don't actually need to know anything about dnd, they're both ocs don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 11:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19991740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garchomp445/pseuds/Garchomp445
Summary: The Grand Wizard Mendicant has created a perfect fortress: A globe of invulnerability inside of another globe of invulnerability. Unfortunately, this aspiring grand wizard has not predicted the most powerful enemy of all: Slight boredom.





	Abjurer's Folly

**Author's Note:**

> I challenged myself to write 1000 words in 1 hour, and I finished in under 30 minutes so uh I guess I don't have any excuses for not writing a book yet anymore.  
> also again they're both ocs i made up on the spot, i could use my dnd campaign characters but eh.

You know how I always told you that I wanted to live in a perfect invulnerable globe of my own magic, somewhere in the astral plane forever? Untouchable, perfect, etc. etc. I did it! And now I can’t leave!

The globe itself is way bigger than your “normal” globes of invulnerability, if something so perfect could ever be considered normal of course that’d be ludicrous. I put in portals to all the necessary planes for food and water, elemental planes of ranch chips and corn cheetoes, then one into the elemental plane of books for good measure. Did you know that all the books in the elemental plane of books are randomly generated? I just found that out! And it’s part of the reason I’m sending you this letter!

It’s a nice, calming blue colour, with the constant astral storms on the outside. It looks like I’m inside of one of those storm balls, or inside of Jupiter. But instead of a rocky core and highly compressed gas on the inside, it’s just me and the bed I still haven’t figured out an enchantment to make for me. You’d think you could just have a “set state”, then reset it after you’re done sleeping, right? Sorry, I’m getting off topic, but if you do have an enchantment for that please send it thanks… I’ve got a few other amenities, like my magical stove, a regular refrigerator but the electricity is magic so it still counts, a bookshelf full of books I’ve already read, and a jar only half-full of candies. I still don’t trust the elemental plane of candy. Did I tell you that I found a human skeleton there once? I mean, it was made out of candy too, but it’s still creepy. Humans are the worst.

I think my favourite part of this little bubble is the layer of protection enchantments I have on top of the bubble. Because, of course, even the best abjuration spell has to have some weakness. I mean, who even decided that? I’ve covered my globe of invulnerability with runes that automatically activate and counter any disintegration beams. But then, what if someone targets my runes? Bam, there’s a counter that counters any anti-counter spells! It’s foolproof! And of course on the inside, if anyone actually manages to hit me with disintegration, there’s like five layers of globe of invulnerability, all covered in more counter spells! It’ll take someone a week just to bust through!

Anyway, I’m clearly the greatest abjurer to ever live, but if you, uh, ever want to visit, I wouldn’t say no!

-Grand Wizard Mendicant, Greatest Abjurer Ever

  
  


\--

Dearest Mendicant,

I still remember when you were just a wee little sprig in my pot of soup. And I wish you had stayed that small. The fact that you messed up this badly isn’t an indictment of your skill, but of your folly. I’m almost curious how you put so many enchantments on other enchantments, but if you’re in the astral plane and have nothing else to do I guess you’d break a few extremely simple restrictions. Oh, and those “restrictions” you overrided? They weren’t to stop you from becoming “the greatest abjurer ever”, they were to stop something like this! Like you said, it will take anyone some time to break through your ridiculous barrier.

Thank you for sending your position, I will retrieve you in a week, just like you said.

-GrandER Wizard Fabulicant-Mendival, Actual Greatest Abjurer Ever

P.S. Humans aren’t creepy, stop calling me that

\--

  
  


Well that’s just rude! Just because you haven’t been able to create a globe of invulnerability that’s immune to disinitegration doesn’t mean that I’m a horrible stupid sprout that can’t do anything without help. Besides, I made all of these cookies for you! See, they’re even raisin, your least favorite! Oh shoot how did you find me, wait I didn’t send my position. Oh no, did you track my letter somehow? Dang, dang you look super mad. That’s just rude, stop flipping me off!

-Super Grand Amazing Wizard Mandicant The Best of The Bestest Abjurers

P.S. You’ve got something stuck in your teeth.

\--

Dearest Mendicant,

I’m only taking the time to write this letter because you somehow took the time to write the letter while I was blasting down your ridiculous walls. And of course, thank you for telling me it’s exact composition so I could best counter your counter counters. You do know that only having two recursive layers enables its destruction by a third recursive layer, correct? In order to truly eliminate all counter spells, you have to create an infinite recursive loop. But I’m not going to tell you how to do that until I’m dragging you by the sprout back to my tower.

And of course I knew that I had something in my teeth, I was testing your powers of observation by putting it there. Why would you ever question my absolute perfection, comparable to that of globes of invulnerability.

-Actual Grand Wizard Fabulicant-Mendival, Abjurer who has been accredited by the bar association for Abjuration magic, unlike you.

P.S. Your left leaf needs pruning.

P.P.S. I’ve attached the enchantment to make your bed, at least clean up a little before I retrieve you.

\--

Dear Teacher-Senpai Fabulicant,

I’m writing this letter as a serious apology for my behaviour of running away from home and making a secure fortress in the Astral Plane. While it was amusing to watch you stomp on the astral clouds and crush your hat repeatedly, I will refrain from making more fortresses for now. Instead I will secure other objects throughout the house with the greatest spell of all, globe of invulnerability. Why rely on methods like “not running through the house” when you can just put everything in impenetrable spheres?

-Super Duper Grand Wizard Mundicant, Best At Pranks

P.S. I know this one really annoys you so I didn’t actually put your toothbrush in a jar and lock it up forever it’s just a minor illusion don’t worry.

P.S.S. Also that was super rude that you put explosive runes in your last letter that blew up my barriers from the inside, it didn’t even make my bed! Can you please teach me how to do that one next?

**Author's Note:**

> ssdfddsf i love posting things without editing them. Will this be readable? Will this be funny? Who knows! Hope you enjoyed it!  
> feel free to leave a kudo or comment!


End file.
